The recent upheaval in the US with reference to racism was indeed a misfortunate event. Late George Floyd’s last moments which were captured on a video went viral and have led to serious protests in the country. The police officers who were held responsible for his passing away have been charged with aiding and abetting George’s murder.
This unfortunate incident has indeed affected a lot of us. The video is heart wrenching and makes us question the existence of humanity and compassion. We being adults can understand the concept of racism. But the difficult part for the parents is to introduce racism to our kids who are naïve and in their growing years. We do fear and have apprehensions that they won’t be able to comprehend such a grown up theory.
This is undeniable that racism, casteism and discrimination are sensitive and hard topics to discuss about. Yet they are important and unavoidable too. As parents, our aim should be to make our child learn about various important concepts like these not just from school but us from too. But the question which rings in many parents’ mind is ‘how can we educate about the concept of racism to our kids and why is it important’?
While discussing about racism, there is neither a particular way to talk about it nor any tips or hard and fast rule to be followed. It is a complex issue which has to be communicated effectively yet in a subtle way. We do not want to instill any fear or insecurity amongst our children; all we want and have to do is to impart knowledge.
Here are a few things to be kept in mind before taking the big step:-
- Accepting the reality and researching thoroughly
The first step is to research and read about the issue. Only when we have a clear understanding of the concept can we impart and share it with our kids. It would be good that you research and understand yourself before having the talk. Nowadays, Google is our savior and you will find various resources to fill your knowledge bank. You would be even amazed on what all you might have missed and the knowledge you would gain after the completion of your research.
Meanwhile, we as parents have to amend our behavior and view point too. The kids have a tendency to imitate their parents. Hence, it is essential for us to fix our perception about the stereotypes so that our kids can imbibe the right attitude and behavior from us and not continue the legacy of stereotyping.
Ayushi Malhotra, a Child Counsellor and Behavior Therapist points out, ‘’Many families in India knowingly or unknowingly encourage racism. Asking your kids to wear certain colors as per complexion and applying ubtans or face masks or behaving differently with two siblings on the basis of their skin color are all ways in which parents and family members support this concept. (The family reiterates the fact that the dark complexioned kid won’t get a suitable bride or groom and stresses on the importance of applying ubtan so that the skin tone can be altered to the fairer side). The sad part is that they promote and pass on racism through generations. What they need to understand is that behavior, love, care and attention shouldn’t vary as per the child’s physical characteristics especially skin color. Families do not understand that giving importance to color complexion or stereotypes on the whole can affect the child in the long run. In some cases, they even grow up and develop a personality with intimacy, confidence or low self-esteem issues just to name a few. Hence, it is critical to break free from this chain of stereotypes.’’
- Communicate
The next step is to actually talk. While some parents prefer speaking frankly with their kids, some resist talking about such controversial topics. The point to be understood is that running away from any sensitive topic’s discussion is inevitable. They will be someday taught about racism in their schools. That day they will come back and raise questions and expect answers too. So it’s better to explain them now and save ourselves from embarrassment in the future. These days, kids are social media savvy. Before they read it from somewhere else and interpret it in a different way, they should know about such concepts from the parents’ side first. Additionally, we have to explain our child that beauty is deep within so that the child grows up to be confident in his/her skin. We have to make them understand that how you are from the inside matters and not the physical characteristics or features.
Ayushi informs,’’ In the 21st century, a lot of information is constantly consumed by the kid via social media, advertisements, cartoons, shows or movies over which we do not have any control. The effort which can be made at our end is to explain to them right away, at the very same instant when they have had the exposure to such content that the concept portrayed is incomplete/incorrect reality. For example, various fairness cream ads appear on the TV. At that point, we should become their friends and explain to our kids that the skin being clear matters and not the complexion. Nobody is perfect and everyone is beautiful in their own distinct way. Commenting on someone’s complexion and judging is an insult to the other person. It is no less than abusing. Hence, it is wrong and should never be done.
The environment, exposure, family, peers and the media all have an influence on the child and affect its behavior. In case of lack of information and knowledge, they will never share about their racist experiences and this will lead to having major issues as and when they grow. Hence, communication from the start is important to ensure that the kid understands the difference between right and wrong and that having racist biasedness is intolerable and morally wrong.’’
- Explain with examples and stories
Explain to them the situation with simple examples or real life instances from the history or the present (be it Nelson Mandela or Mahatama Gandhi). Even stories might work as kids eagerly look forward to story –telling sessions. They are able to grasp effectively when the story telling method is adopted. You can even watch documentaries with them (this is where your research stage will help). Taking a different approach will help you make them understand and help them comprehend racism in a much better way. This is the stage when you communicate to them that racism is wrong, bad or evil and should not be done. Explaining from your real life anecdotes, be it your diverse friend circle or your loved ones’/acquaintances experiences will help the child understand the concept.
- Communication should be a dialogue
Include all the important points in your communication. Teach them to be kind and compassionate to all. The discussion should not be one way street. It should be a dialogue. Confirm from them if they have questions. Resolve their queries and confusions. Explain them that noticing the differences isn’t wrong but making judgements, behaving differently and discriminatively is unacceptable. We should explain to them that everyone is not same be it looks or thought process. This is how we can begin a change in the way the stereotypes can be broken.
- Ongoing process
Ayushi also points out an important fact that the discussions have to be an ongoing process. She says, ‘’ we should not force the children to grasp everything at once. As and when the child grows mentally and physically; the situations around us change too. Hence, we will have to modify our ways and ensure that the communications keeps flowing and is altered as per their mental level and grasping power.’’
There have been many debates about the right age. The right time or age is subjective as different families have different environment and exposure. Considering the increased mental growth in the coming generations, the concept should be introduced when the kids are 4-7 years old. Usually, the kid starts noticing differences when he/she is as small as a few months old. Hence, by the time the kid is ready to kindergarten, he is aware about the variations in the way people look, dress and converse.
Ayushi agrees with this and shares that, ‘’ the infants start noticing and observing his/her surroundings when they are just six months old. It is the responsibility of the family members to not encourage racism and the fact that judgement or comparison on skin color is normal. Hence, it is essential that the correct information is fed since infancy so that they grow up and learn that racism is wrong and racist comments are a big no.’’
Ayushi adds that additionally, along with family, the schools can also contribute by organizing workshops and explaining the concept of racism to the children and how to handle when they experience it, how to react and report when they witness someone else being bullied and how to counsel when their friends are facing troubles. The schools should emphasize that judging or comparison on the basis of complexion is wrong and should not be encouraged. This way the kids will be informed and will report such incidents due to intolerance. They will even counsel their friends when they commit the act or become a victim of it.
Parnika Bansal, a young practicing Psychologist adds to it and shows us a different side. She says, ‘’
Many a times it does happen that parents have had racist experiences which they might pass onto their kids. While there are others who are reluctant to have open conversations with their kids because having the talk seems painful, tough and irrelevant. They unknowingly or knowingly pass on such negative traits and concepts to their kids. Some of them personally hold biases and this significantly influences what they teach and what they don’t to their children. However, it is essential to understand that it is our responsibility as parents to ensure the kids are informed so that they report such incidents, explain the victims and the person bullying the victim that racism needs to stop or else there could be consequences. Whatever is happening in the US is indeed unfortunate but there are also two sides of the story which should be taken into consideration before forming an opinion. The way the black people are responding now is disturbing.
We all need to change, need to respect life and work to live in harmony and co-existence. we should cherish life and focus on ourselves, thought process, our prejudices and strive to become a better human being.Breaking free from racism is indeed possible but will definitely need time. It can be achieved only if constantly make efforts to spread awareness, come out of our prejudices, pre-conceived notions and modify our thought process. Only then we would be able to make sure that our kinds comprehend the concept.‘’
We as parents want our kids to have the maximum knowledge possible. It should be our responsibility that they know about these important issues from us rather than having partial knowledge from a third party or social media. For the kids, their parents are the best examples. If we make them proactively understand things, they will grasp it and these values will be them for long. Imparting knowledge now might reduce the chances of them experiencing this or becoming a witness to this event in the future. With proper information and guidance, we will be able to help them make an informed decision of the right and wrong.
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